


Butterflies

by Siddal_Preaker



Series: The Messiah: Deleted/Extended/AU Scenes [4]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Betrayal, Body Horror, Dreams vs. Reality, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki tries to spare loved one and fucks up, Past Abuse, Psychic Bond, Psychological Horror, Some of this was inspired by that time I did Acid :))) cheers, Soul Bond, Soul-Searching, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:16:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siddal_Preaker/pseuds/Siddal_Preaker
Summary: AU where Loki traps his true love in a perfect dream while he betrays Asgard and Jotunheim to spare her the pain of losing him during the battle. SUPER AU scene from my fic, The Messiah. Spoilers! Set during the first Thor movie chapter. AU AU AU :)





	Butterflies

**Author's Note:**

> It's funny, I had this rough outline of the Lady being trapped within her own mind by force and she tries to fight her way out while Loki goes off to do some Betrayal during Thor1. He tries to put her in this picture perfect dreamland of their lives and she, of course, fights at every twist. I ended up scraping it in lieu of the battles that actually occur because Loki and the Lady just had so much I needed them to say to each other. This was inspired by the pretty, haunting piano track in the horror game, Outlast, if anyone knows it. :)

     “You know that I have to do this, right?” Loki uttered, lips touched to the shell of my ear. My mouth parted, braced to scream. Tight fingers yanked deep into my curls all the way to the root. The scream never came. Pain exploded along my scalp in the struggle; body flung backwards harder than intended. My head crashed into stone, cracking either my skull or the marble tiles. Or both. Stars sparkled within my eyes, casting a glimmer over my vision that slowed the world to a lull.

      “L...” My tongue slurred. “Lo...ki.”

      “You know, I never wanted this for you.” Loki was crying now, soft and tender, while he stroked my hair. A bright spell cast toward me the moment I tried to lift my arms, rendering me limp. I blinked at him through the swelling daze, trying to slur words together that never came. Something wet grew out around my head like a halo. “I’ll dream you into your own perfect world, sweetheart. Close your eyes.” His voice echoed between fissures of my brain. Green eyes glowed into mine, bright and terrifying. He crushed a healing stone to my broken skull, cradling my head. Thumbs pressed to my temples. A burning sensation resonated. Moths flapped and fluttered around my brain.

      “Don’t do this.” I managed, limbs like jelly. I felt him sink into me. Body and soul. Twisting into my memories and dreams alike. Loki tugged and tugged away at each synapse, plucking away at my dreams. I felt my brains unspooling out around lush curls. My entire psyche flooded out with no hope to gather it back. This breach cast me forth to touch the line of pure insanity. I was upon the snowy cliff again with Loki’s hand catching me from tipping over the edge. I met those green eyes again so the words came. “Come back to me… _Stay_.”

      “Just dream.” His tone vibrated. My hair grew out to billow, allowing my psyche to flood forth up into the air. Higher and higher. Technicolor lights struck with memories like lightning. Loki’s grip slipped further. I tried to create dimensions big enough for my psyche to fit. Building up and away with no hope to catch it all. Unable to stop it, I looked back at the man I loved and tore his heart with me.

 _“_ _Can I keep you?”_ Time stopped. Loki’s tears iced down his sharp face. Then, he let me go. Allowed me to fall farther than I ever have, crashing through a glass dome that only came back together. Trapped utterly. My limbs shattered from my body and slowly cast back together in turn. Loki grew out above me into a twisted creature with great, emerald eyes looking back at me through the glass. I recalled a crystal globe I had once with a little, pretty porcelain girl posed just so like a dancer. When you shook the globe, snow cast all about. Yet, she was undisturbed and peaceful within it. _Dreaming_ , I imagined, with her eyes closed.

     So often, I wondered what would happen if she woke up.

     Loki’s eyes became huge spotlights upon me. My limbs spread and the snow was gone. A mighty hand raised with a thin needle pointed until my palm was impaled. I opened my lips as if to scream but stilled. The next needle came down into my opposite hand. No blood came.

     “Why do you think their wings are pinned just so for us?” Loki’s voice rumbled above me. _So they cannot fly away from their admirer_ , I’d thought. But, I said something else.

     “Because they are ugly,” I sighed out, “and they want something small and pretty to look at. So they forget. But, briefly.” The last needle pressed forth into my heart and I was gone. No grip on anything tangible. My soul became ashes and Loki blew them out into the crisp night air. So, I fluttered away from all of this into my own perfect world.

     “Happy Birthday, baby.” My mother poured me a glass of cold milk. Her smile drew soft when she kissed my hair. “My little girl. So grown up.” A child’s dress hung around my body. Tiny frills of lavender. Rhythmically, I tapped a metal spoon against a plate and swayed my legs. There were two chairs at the table. Only two. Tears sprang into my eyes. Lips pressed and drew wide. Manic. Fleeting. _Just the two of us. How it should have been._ “Blow out the candles now, your friends will be waiting to play with you.” So, I closed my eyes and did not wish because it had already come true.

     Eyes opened and I was being lifted into the air somewhere else so many years later. Fellow warriors cheered, touching my shoulders or hair. The death of a battle cast around me. I puffed and relished the attention. Thor laughed and helped balance me on one shoulder with Volstagg.

     “Did you see our friend take them down?! She opened the great falls! Washed our enemies away!” Thor echoed with that dear bright smile. Across the way, finally, I saw Loki in that beautiful cloak. Smirking and bowing his head toward me. Lost in his smile, I drowned. Thor let me down as warriors split, still congratulating me. Hands gripped my shoulders to spin me around. My own name was jarring from Thor’s lips when he shook the dreams aside. Blue eyes grew wider in realization. Banished from Asgard, I recalled. _No._ “It is not real. Look at me.” He shook me, taking my face like he might kiss me instead. “Fight this. I need you.” Thor was crying now too. “I cannot pick it up...I am not worthy.”

     “It’s alright, Thor,” my tone was eerie. He knew I was too far gone. His heart must have shattered. I watched the pieces shimmer in his eyes. “Someone else is.” I was far too sweet. Too cheerful. Too lost. I brought my palm to cover his eyes. “Just close your eyes, Thor, and dream.” Slipping through his fingers, I fell back into another memory. Changed to suit the life I so often wished for. Loki gave in full.

     “Impressive,” Loki mused behind me. Pressed to my back while we sat curled in a bay window together. His hands cupped mine and a little flame extinguished within our fingers. “It was right that you and your mother came to my parents with this. You have a talent. It will not be wasted. My parents wish for you to be moved closer at once. I will teach you what I can with their instruction as well.” I blinked up at Loki, awed.

     “It’s...not in order,” I furrowed my brow as I peered to him, our eyes flashed at once and I was gone again when he cupped my face. “You found me.” I’d droned instead.

     “Magic always had that effect on me.” He drew so close. “Do you feel it too?” Loki didn’t allow me to answer and kissed my lips. The scene swirled and I rolled over onto him in bed. “Do you feel it too?” He’d repeated in a breathy moan, pushing me back to enter me. Bliss echoed out each joint. I looked out at the sky beyond stained glass and realized it. Horror gripped me.

     “No stars.” I squeezed Loki’s shoulders and let him bury his head into my neck while he fucked me. “No stars to keep you company.” We reached a peak together and I closed my eyes again. Fabric twisted into my fingers and I drew out from Nerien. Bleeding upon the snow. “No, no...we’re fixing it. It’s perfect now.”

     “There is always a fragment left for fate to touch,” he breathed deep and even. “This...it was always yours.” I peered across the way to see a little girl in all grey watching me.

     “Wait...no, this is...” My eyes darted. “This isn’t right.” The little girl stalked toward us, ready to strike.

     “Wake up!” She’d screeched. “It’s time to wake up!” Long fingers fisted my hair and dragged me until I was docile again. Standing on a set of steps to be admired by Asgard’s finest families. They loved me. I could be their princess.

     “No...no. I wasn’t his little princess,” I held my head and Loki hushed me sweetly. His ring gleamed on my finger.

     “I fixed it.” Loki’s brow furrowed. “No, perhaps, this isn’t correct. You’re not there yet. You don’t have to fight it, sweetheart.” Loki took me to the dance floor with tight hands in mine, spinning me around with him. Light whirled with us, my gown transformed to a wedding dress. Loki’s smile blinded me this time and tears sprang. I gave in. “I take you to be my wife.” His vowed echoed. Odin and Frigga grinned at us, the entire ballroom followed. A wide, manic expression that filled the air. Blissful, I kissed Loki and realized when I looked behind him that someone was missing.

     “No...” I reared back. “Where is your brother? He should be here with us.”

     “Hush now, my darling. You’re not dreaming hard enough yet. Let’s keep rewriting together.” Loki spun me around, green eyes blazed ruby red. Couples laughed and drank while his hands slipped around my throat. Dancing went on while he strangled me in the middle of the floor. Heads turned and no one stopped to help me, they all laughed like wild animals. “Let’s try again.” I came up from my feet, thrown into stained glass that shattered the memories once more. A little girl again, I was tossed to the ground. Three chairs again. Stepfather loomed until a rap on the door caused mother to stand from the table she was hiding at. Not stopping him.

     “What’s this about?” He’d raged when two guards settled scrolls into his hands. Mother was already crying, rushing to hold me.

     “We’ve orders to remove the child at once.”

     “You won’t take her from me!” Stepfather scooped me up, squeezing too tight. My King stepped in to save me. Like he should have. “She is mine!” A blade pressed my soft cheek before a blast of light tore him to pieces from me. Splattering my stepfather all over me and the walls. King Odin stood between his guards, staff lifting. Frigga rushed between the men to stop me from falling, cradling me while I sobbed.

     “You know this is her best chance,” she regarded my mother.

     “I’m not a bad person.”

     “Just an unfit parent, I suppose.” Frigga lifted me with ease and brought me from the house.

     “The lights,” I sniffled when they got me into a royal barge.

     “It was you,” Odin’s brow furrowed. “You will learn to harness these abilities. In the protection of the House of Odin. Frigga’s apprentice.”

     “No, this isn’t right yet.” I found myself and watched the sky. “The stars...where are they?” We landed and my name was called. “Thor!” So young, he was still much taller than I. Hugging me, he beamed.

     “They’ve made you a room!” He tugged with that bright grin. I realized it then. Loki was gone. Had I taken his place to be free? To dream? Lights whirled. Seasons passed.

     “Don’t wander too far, the Jotuns still are wary of us.” Fandral uttered. “King Odin and Laufey are still coming to some accord. History will change this day.” Snow blew against my cheeks, casting me into my daze.

      “I’ll stick nearby.” I’d lied, hurrying through trees and up a hill to see a crystalline waterfall. Could Asgardians and Jotuns fight together? Was that truly an impossible dream?  We both hoped once. I slipped down to explore, light cast upon the ice and illuminated my face and hair. Out of the fog loomed a figure donning a fur cloak. “Who goes there?” I’d called, inching up a rock. “Show yourself.” My hood fell away fully, hands igniting with lavender light as they jumped down to face me head on. Green light matched mine. Sharp face. Blue skin and intricate patterns. Those eyes. My dream jarred again. “Loki?” He looked beautiful here in the snow. All pretense dropped.

     “Honestly, sweetheart, you’re making this difficult on me. You always do.” He came around to circle me. “Another history. Another way of meeting. I really expected you to fall into it. You almost did. But, you saw your enemy and looked deep...with love in your eyes. No matter how I rewrite your past for the better. We always end up here. You and I together. Nerien always falls too and you go through that metamorphosis in every reality. That power was yours from the beginning, it seems. Funny. Fate is. How about we charge toward the future?” At his beckoning, the waterfall opened to wash us away. I clawed and kicked, landing upon a boat filled with beings I didn’t recognize. Not Asgardian for certain. Damp tunnels surrounded us upon a glowing sea.

     “Where are we?” The oar was in my hands. I was ferrying us off. I recalibrated. “Where are we headed?”

     “Figured you knew, Psych.” The man in front looked upon me with deep brown eyes. Bright light illuminated his heart. 

     “You’re supposed to help save us.” A redhead woman added. “All of us.” They all looked at me with such belief. Hands came from the ethereal waters, grasping to the side of our vessel.

     “We have room to spare,” a muscled man with eyes like crystals washed my fear away.

     “Yes.” I agreed with him. “Plenty.” We helped lost souls up to safety. “But...we are not ready. Not yet. Not this day.” The oar cracked forth into the jagged edge of some rocks to still us. Muscles strained and I cried out, prying us toward another path. Water rushed faster beneath, charging the boat away from Death and into the great unknown. A mighty waterfall drew us forth across Valhalla and Midgard itself. “Hold on!” I kept us together until the crash split us apart, floating and falling all directions. My body tumbled further. Down. Down. Down. Until the impact shattered me across perfect snow again. Back where I started. This time, my limbs made no move to come back together. I stared at clouds and didn’t give the many footsteps my attention. These people I would come to know down the line gathered me up and cracked my body back together. Piece by piece. My soul in the process. Fingers shifted and arms pulled me to my feet.

     “Remember us,” they’d said. “Find us.”

     “I will... I just have to wake up.” I let them pose me just so like a graceful dancer. A young boy with sly blue eyes smirked in a way that was familiar and closed my eyes with two fingers so I could dream deeper for a little while. I felt these souls all fizzle away and let snow cast against my hair and eyelashes. Here, my world drew perfect and silent.

_What would happen if she wakes up?_

     Hands shook me and my eyes refused to open.

** ** **

     Thor Odinson took the door off its hinges and came upon her. At last. A dusky room illuminated at his beckoning. Piano keys pressed of their own accord to create a tune that would always haunt him. His lost friend danced in a circle as if she were with someone, humming and utterly blissful in expression. Unhinged beyond belief. A mighty dome of magic like a chrysalis entombed her in a perfect world of dreams.

     “I’ve found her,” he called, helpless even still. “Loki...what have you done?” Thor choked on tears, Mjolnir tight in one hand. Her name drew no recognition. She just danced and dreamed all to herself. Clenched with a sob, Thor shattered the dome to ashes with one hit. Still, she danced on in a shaken, manic daze. Mjolnir dropped to the floor so he came closer, arms up to still her swaying. “I need you. Wake up! You must.” Thor took her arms and she arched, moaning in pain. She tried to keep up her steps, forcing him to come with. Thor followed the beat and couldn’t contain himself. The piano exploded when lightning struck it. Pieces rained and Thor held her close, shaking her harder. Oh, how she fought the pull. And then brown eyes snapped wide.

** ** **

     Eyes opened to see my perfect world crash down. A storm flurried as if the dome had been shaken by a curious observer. _No, stay here._ I tried. _Just dream._

 _Oh_. I realized. _I am not dreaming. Wake up._

     “Wake up!” Thor’s voice pulled the crystalline dome down around me in full. I was dancing aimless in a dark, dusty space. Fingers clawed at my skin to wake. _Loki?_

_I was just under his spell._

     I came up for air to see Thor’s eyes red from crying. His emotions fizzled and something connected between us both. I saw him reaching for Loki and the stars readied to swallow him whole. Not bothered to join him during the fall into an endless void. Loki's pale fingers uncurling before… I woke up.

 _What happen_ _s_ _when she wakes up? Sweetheart._

_Loki is gone._

    And I screamed.

**Author's Note:**

> AU Scenes are always fun to do, y'all. Just kind of felt like posting this one. Leave words if you have them. Thanks for reading!


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